This is a letter I wrote to my great aunt of whom I never
knew.
October 2012
Dear Great Aunt Nellie,
Sitting on the top of the piano in the parlor room we rarely use, is a picture
of my mother’s father’s mother’s family. It’s very old. At least,
it looks old to my eyes. There are a handful of dapper gentlemen,
barely smiling, in suit coats. One, either the rebel or just the
suave-type, is wearing a turtle neck. Standing in the back, like all older
children must, is a woman, maybe in her mid-20s. She is no beauty, but
rather handsome. She is tall, taller than some of her brothers to which
I assume was embarrassing to them, thin and wearing a plain dress which neither
looked terribly expensive or terribly comfortable. She is my
grandfather’s mother, my great-grandmother. Sitting on either side of this
large family is a grown man. The father I’m assuming. He looks like
the proud sort. Perfectly coiffed hair, clean suit but wear and
difficulty have left their mark. Nonetheless, I’m sure he was just as
successful as he wanted to be. On the other side is an older woman.
She is big-bosomed and big-boned. I’m sure she was a very beautiful woman
in her younger years. Now her hair is white and piled on her head
in one Victorian bun and her collar is pinned with a broach. A no-nonsense
woman, I’m sure. As my eyes scale to the bottom, I see two young girls,
no more than 16. They could be twins because of their
closeness in age. Untraditionally, my eyes scan from left to right,
resting on a beautiful young lady. Her features are big, eyes wide with amusement
despite the obvious boredom of the situation and a mouth very full and
assuredly deep blushing rouge (the picture is sepia, but you can tell).
There was something so familiar about this girl. I had seen her image
before somewhere. Suddenly, I knew why I had such an eerie feeling about
her. Turning towards the mirror on the opposite wall, I saw you Aunt
Nellie. My face is an almost exact replica of yours.
Funny how these things happen, genetics and all.
My whole life, I felt out of place, at least visually, in my family. My mother has a lot of
shared features with her father, who shared a lot of features with your sister,
Mabel. Likewise, my brother resembles her. My father also has very
strong family resemblances, which were passed down to my sisters. I, on
the other hand, resemble neither. Sure, I have the coloring, dark
eyes and hair from the Cox line. And the stature (short) from the Higgins
line. But my face, its features never reflected them.
Even though I know it’s not possible, I often wondered if I was adopted.
These ideas were floaty, airy even. I just wanted to think
them. However, seeing your face, I was brought back to the
ground. I belong here. I am blood.
Even more difficult than
writing a letter to a friend, is writing to someone you have never
met. Yet you are family, so this should be a comfortable thing.
And because of our striking resemblance, I almost consider this a letter
to myself in a past life. Aunt Nellie, I am your great-great-niece.
Your nephew Francis is my grandfather. He’s going on 84 now, but you probably
don’t want to hear that. He grew up well. And so did his children,
and their children (my generation). I’m doing good things
with your face. I keep our skin as clear as it can be for a person
just squeezing out of adolescence. I’m 19, you know, close to the age my
mother was when you passed away. I’m sorry, is that a sensitive
topic…? Forget I said anything. My mind is my own, and
it is currently begging for more challenges and insights. My mind drinks
in new experiences and knowledge like something less clique then a
sponge. As is turns out, my gift is languages. Learning them,
for me, comes so naturally. I started with French and moved onto Korean.
My love of the language extends to the love of the people and the cultures as
well. I hope to travel and share my culture as I learn about others.
Aunt Nellie, I never knew
you. My mother, who did, has only mentioned you in passing.
Yet I find a strange connection to you. Thank you for your face, I
will take good care of it. It is very beautiful, and I will treat
it right.
Until we meet,
Ruby DeLayne Higgins
Daughter of Sarah Cox
